This time my words will be quite personal, you can take them as you wish, I don't wish to be an attention seeker but I am hoping someone who feels the same can relate with my words, I don't think I am no one to support any one or help, I think we all can help each other.
I want your opinions on this matter.
My topic is about self harm, self mutilation... it is something that always it has been in my mind. Why? Because I have been doing it since I was 14 years old...until the present time? maybe...
Why do I do it? I it hard to give only one reason... it is complex...I guess we all have our ways to face reality, life hurts too much...
My high school time was hard, everything is even more complicated at that age, things are always hard and it won't stop. Sometimes you think, what is wrong with it? After all it is your own body, right?...
But things are always more complex and hard... and we all have our own way of coping, maybe harming ourselves is not the best but if we think about it we all do just in different levels.
Some people get stuck in a place because they think they cannot aim for better, also people who let other to verbally or physically abuse of them, that is a way of self-aggression as well.
So it is indeed in human nature, we were taught that we are not good enough, society is bombing you directly, you might not notice but it is like that. Only clever people, only beautiful people, we do not value ourselves as we are. We have to follow an standard and if we don't then we are not good and that is why we don't succeed in life, how sick are we?
In my case the self-harm is because, well I know I don't follow an standard and I won't.
I go against society and I want to be valued by who I am, I do have people who likes me as I am, of course they don't know about this, they don't have to.
I haven't been doing it for a while, there are times I feel the urgency to do it and so far I have stand strong and haven't harm. But this thought always bugs me.
Years ago, this was an addiction for me, I couldn't be without harming myself, everyday, and various time during the day.
I think we all have our traumas, our reason to think our lives are miserable, but one thing I must say, we cannot have self-pity, that is not how it works.
We must try, we have to stand up walk and run, sometimes we can fly, others we cannot but we always have to try.
We have to laugh, joke, cry and scream for happiness and sadness, we have to be ourselves no matter what, we can curse who ever and what ever we want to.
I also can say don't hate yourself, but I don't have much right to say that as in my case I still do, but because I do, I know how miserable we can be and well there are many things that happen outside that is not our fault and because we hate ourselves so much we take responsibility for it.
As everyone I could say to you, learn to love yourself, however I know it is really hard indeed and maybe I could dare to say, impossible.
Once again I think we all hate ourselves and again that hate it is in different levels.
But I tell you, learn to like yourself at least a little.
I know you can tell all your mistakes, all your imperfections but what about the good things you have? your talents? you abilities? your beauty? can you recognise it? and actually believe in it?
I think that is our lesson.
I think people who harm them selves can be more honest or sensitive. The pain it is so hard that it is the only way to cope. If cutting yourself could be normal, then all of us will be doing it now.
What I don't like is that other people mock at them and consider this "weird" instead of trying to understand.
Instead of not accepting this and critics about it, what don't you go to the core of the problem. The problem is not the people who hurt themselves, the problem is the outside environment, the message that we are giving. What can they see this? Or could be they just don't want to.
Instead they mock and do everything to cover the problem.
In my period of high school styles as a gothic, dark, punk and emo were in their pick. You will would see them in every school, in the streets, everyone gathered together within their own urban tribe, it was quite a phenomenon. But at least everyone felt they could belong somewhere and that there were others feeling the same as well.
Punk, emo, dark bands sang songs that could make everyone feel identify, all lyrics had a profound meaning of life and how it felt to live it.
And then they disappeared and songs with no sense appeared and kicked out to these urban tribes... and once again the people who dress in black were kicked aside and everyone forgot about them and once again considered them "weird"
I miss those times, I felt and I knew I was not the only one feeling as I was, right now once again I feel, gosh who I am the only one? even though I know...
My point in this post. Like I said this is really personal words I am writing.
I want to tell others, well you are not the only one, you are never the only one. It is ok to feel this way, it happens, life is hard, cruel and unfair. But we must not drown we must learn to live.
I am not going to tell you live happy and always laugh, it is impossible but you must try not to live in sadness always. In darkness there is beauty as well and in brightness there is ugliness, nothing is black and white, there is grey as well.
We have to learn living as we are, do not pretend, do not hide. If others cannot accept you the fuck them, they are not worth it.
I think this topic has for a lot but right now I will finish here. Maybe soon I will write again more.
If you want to share your opinions please do so.
After all this is just my opinion and I would love to read yours.
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