I am finally back!

Hello! Happy 2017!
I am back after a very long time and though I thought I was not going to enter my blog ever again, I decided to come back to my blog. I also left behind my youtube, so pretty much all my projects were left behind. Shame on me! Now I decided to start again and not, not of because of the new year's resolution, I am not that type of person, I usually never have new year's resolution, is just another year, nothing much changes.

Now what I been up to? Well, many things had happened...2016 was a difficult, horrendous year indeed!
I have changed so many jobs, it has been insane, been unemployed and ended up with debts, how fun! Now I am finally paying back and getting my things in order.. but this year didn't start easy, oh no!... very hard beginning and I am still recovering from it... However, what a lesson I have learned!

But I am not here to talk about my dramas because I want my internet life to be no dramatic at all, I pretty much want my internet life to be my wonderland or my happy place? Just my place to be me and my escape from reality.



So I want to come back to my blog and start again with my Youtube channel project once again!
Now I have to be real, I can't do it very often, specially since I have been away for so long and lost the routine, so I will start uploading once a month. I want to start with my music reviews, which seemed to have a lot of readers. I will do top 10 of the month, in which I will review the songs that I been listening the most on that month, now this post will have connection with  Youtube video... then I pretend to write about other things that won't  have a video and I will promote my blog through my Instagram that is pretty much my most used social media app

So that is it guys, I prefer to keep brief this blog update and soon will be updating again!

Reply...

So I been watching in these two weeks Reply 1988. I watched previously Reply 1997 and 1994, if I am not wrong with the dates. I liked the previous Reply before so I thought maybe wouldn't be bad to  watch the new one, which was released last year.


I must confess I liked this Reply more than the other ones. I mean don't get me wrong, the previous ones were awesome! and hilarious! and this was as well, however I felt emotionally more touched by this Reply, it was more touching and showed many examples of values as family, friendship, partner, etc...
In every episode I laughed and cried. And I felt so much empathy with the characters, I loved every single character, all of them were so diverse.


I think at the beginning and maybe until the end was a bit not very organized as it seems not even the crew were sure with whom to partner the main character and was confusing at the beginning. And by the almost the end it suprises you because the adult version kind of doesn't match the young version at the beginning and by the end you can notice an awkward change.
Anyways that is not the point, I think I enjoyed more this Reply because it felt like it taught me a few lessons about friendship, family and love.
My love life is a boring disaster so I am not going to mention my learnt lessons about it. However I will mention friendship and family. Specially as the family was what caused more impact in me.


What I enjoyed the most was the value of family shown on the drama. The drama shows a diversity of different type of families. I loved the loyalty that children had towards their parents and vice versa. And gave me the feeling and the lesson that we have to be thankful for our parents, we have no idea how much they sacrifice themselves for us and we just take them for granted and complain if they an't give us what we want. We should never take any one for granted, not parents, siblings, friends or a lover. We never know when that person may go away or how much is sacrificing for us.


The other aspect I enjoyed on the drama was the sense of community that existed in the neighbourhood. As someone who lived in a streets where no one cared about anyone. I enjoyed to see how everyone helping each other and caring about each other.
It made me think that today we have no idea what is going on around us, we don't care about others anymore, we are just forming shallow relationships.
It made think technology is ruining our sense of community. We don't look around anymore, we only look at our phone screen and pretend we care about others, by cliking  "like" on SNS or sharing a post. But we don't actually care at all.
Same happens with friendship. We gather "friends" on social media  but we have no idea about them, people just gather as much as they can, but again we just don't care, is just a number. What is the point?
I think we are just loosing our essence, our humanity and it is quite scary.

Lastly I will talk about the friendship and love shown on the drama.
I loved the friendship between the characters. They know each other since they were children because they live together and keep their friendship until adulthood. Even the friends from school, there is such a sense of I won't say loyalty but respect and appreciation. There is honesty between them and support.
Then the couples, I never found myself really being in such a awe state for couples in drama, the love it is innocent, the characters actually take the time to know each other, appreciate themselves for loving each other for real.
It just takes me to the conclusion that technology has screwed us up!
We gather fake friends in social media and we meet people online just to have one night stands and maybe actually have a relationship, but we don't know anything about each other.
In school we develop shallow friendship, just for not being alone and to bad talk about others.
Real friendship it is so hard to find and if you do please keep it and value it!
The same with love, mane people gather together just for not being alone, to have someone to just fuck or take pictures with and pretend and show on social media, how perfect couple they are, when you actually don't know each other at all.
Is this the generation of shallow or superficial relationships? Since when we became like this? No wonder people is thinking in droids as companion and even love companion. Since when we imagined being replaced by a machine? Where are we going? What kind of future is coming for us? I am getting really scared...
What do you think?

Anyways I recommend you guys to watch this drama if you haven't it is worth it!
And maybe too think about the time that we spend in a screen and the time we spend looking into someone's eyes and talking for real.

No phone

So having a smart phone is kind of a must nowon day, from your phone you have access not only to calls or messages, now on day is more that that. Is like having a computer in your pocket, it is amazing how dependable of a phone we are.
So right now I don't have a phone and I realise how much I depend on it and it is quite scary, how much I need it.


So for a while I had have Samsung Note, I loved the size and the fact of that has a pen was like...I don't know, the fact that I could handwrite on a phone just seduced me and I did indeed enjoyed and I kind moved from Note to Note...however I did the mistake of changing to Iphone...

I said mistake because I changed because I though this phone was cute and I had the chance to change it...However I realised how inmature I was and stupid...I had a perfectly fine phone and changed to one that just didn't made me happy.
I guess IOS was too limited for me, I did also miss the screen size... I think Android has more posibilities and options...however I do miss how Samsung had the option of increase the memory and take the battery... Anyways right now I am without phone and with the intetion of changing to Note once again.
However it gives me the impression that iphone is a phone for just looks, not much to take it to another level...I mean when I had my Note I used to use for many things more that what I used the iphone...so I guess maybe that is why iphone is more like an accesory instead of a complete phone.
Anyways just something random to share today.
So right now I am saving to be back into Note once again

Note 5 has more options with the pen and has a good quality camera (Note 4 had too) and has a nice desing as well. Like I said just annoys me that it does not has the option for add memory but it would be ok...I will be getting a 64gb so it should be fine. However now I don't have a phone and just using my tablet for the mean time, it is annoying though but is better than having nothing.
However the fact of missing having a phone makes me think, how was I  possible before cellphones existed I was fine and could live without it or even when they started to exist... but I guess right now with technoloy phones can do so much! and is like having the world in your hand and we are used to it and going back to the old times... I guess I need to work in a balance of technology and old fashion ways.
Anyways that is it for today, soon will write again :)

Realization

So today I write about a wake up call I had. And today's post I will complement it with a video a well.
However here I expose my feelings and ideas in better order than in the video.
So I haven't write recently, since last year...and I now I said I will try to write at lest once a week and haven't done so...
These last weeks haven't been so good as something really bad happen n the family. My sister lost her baby and well you can guess the feeling that is around the family. All those dreams and expectations are now replaced by sorrow.

Also my sister's health it has been in risk and being spending quite sometime at the hospital or going to doctors, etc... And I must say one thing, that the medical system here sucks! Believe me in my country is better, a lot of things that were easy to avoid because of the lack of profesionalism of the "doctors" it happened.
So because of it, of course my sister is the most affected person, however my mother is devastated as well.
So I have to be strong for both, as either of both take care of themselves in the conditions that they are.
In these weeks I haven't cried in front of them, even when they cry, I do not. I haven't sowed them nothing of sadness from my part, because I have to be the ones that needs to give them energy and in somehow cheer them up.

However I ended up crying at work.... not the proper place, however the people I work with were the sweetest and most comprehensive people ever and I realised I have a small family there too.
However this is not my realisation, my wake up call was another and it was in my inside, in my heart, which is an important place for things to happen if you want to make a change.


So from a very long time I used to cut myself, maybe I started since I was 13 years old and last November was the last time I did, I never shared much actually, and people who knew thought I stopped. I have been always careful about it, never showed and always hiding. For a long time I thought, that there was nothing wrong about it, anyways it was my body... My cuts didn't meant I want to die but just that I deserved the suffering, just that. The world is a cruel place and we cry and etc...I guess you can get the idea of what I mean.

Because all the stress, sadness I have been living in these last weeks, I felt the urge to do it, to cut myself...I needed it, however I stopped and then is when I realised... wouldn't this make my family even more sad? Wasn't it unfair on them? It didn't matter how sad I was, my sister is the one that is suffering the most, I had no excuse! ... even if I hide it well, it was not fair... what good was a few cuts to make me feel better? I was not going to feel better. When you cut yourself you may feel a bit of relief for a second then it comes the guilt or shame, because we have to hide the cut and you bring yourself another bad or sad feeling and there we go again. And also what ever problem you had it did not go away because you cut yourself and it won't, you are just adding more.
I have been hurting myself for more than 10 years and finally I realise the stupidity that I was doing and the coward I have been all this time.
So I feel that finally I can stop. Why to bring more pain or more negativity that there is already. If we cut because someone is treating as bad because people are just too mean, aren't we giving them more power to hurt us? Harming ourselves is not going to make this people stop and feel bad about their actions, they will continue and will make even more cruel and we just keep hurting ourselves even more, we are giving them even more power to hurt us. IS this fair? Does this make sense?
Do you think that only us have the right to hurt ourselves? Why? Isn't the outside world cruel enough? Why we have to make us suffer even more?
Also let's think about those people who we love. We are hurting them too, they are sad every time they see the scars. A mother you raised you with all her efforts, suffering and sacrifice, ofcourse she will be sad to see the you her child is hurting yourself, because she wants the best for you, your happiness, your well being and self harm is not being good.
By cutting people also will walk away from you, some may try to help you but if you don't change they will eventually go away. Living life is not easy, why are making it even harder?
So these ideas came and others as well. Why it took me so long? I don't know...
Unfortunately sometimes to be able to change something really bad has to happen, is not fair but humans are very stupid beings indeed and we learn in the hard way.

It is hard to write from outside or in this way, because I know the feeling, why we do it... but I am sure we can stand up and walk, run and even fly...That is what I want for myself and for everyone who is in my place too.
I have shared today my reason why I  realised that I can stop and why I feel now it is worthless to cut my skin.
If you wish I will share with more of my story. Life is full of shit and I have lived some really screwed up shit and survived. And I want to get to the point of looking my scars and feel good that I was able to stop and continue life, looking life from maybe another perspective.
I want to also to help whoever is going through a hard moment and is harming themselves, I know it may be now the way to scape or feel relief but believe me is not, you are hurting yourself even more.
This is it for today, if you want me to share more, please let me know... I think I will do it slowly as this is been very personal issue for me.
Here is my video too

2015

I usually don't do this however now I kinda regret, there is always good in remembering and look to what happened, to the lessons we have learnt, to the memories we have created, to be thankful of those events, because they happen only once in our lives and not remembering is like being ungrateful and not learning anything. So today I will briefly share with everyone my moments of this ending year.

This year I have met so many people, that I cannot believe it!! I also kept my friendship and saw parting people who I met the past year. I said "hello" and I said "good bye"I lived many moments and all were lessons, for good or for bad, but at the end everything is something I can remember and hold and learn from.
I had many crushes, none worked, however I did learn that I have to value myself and not let anyone look down at me or treat me in a lower way, I learnt what it is to be treated bad and what it is be treated good, I decided how I want to be treated and won't let anyone look at me or treat me in a bad manner, no matter who that person is.
I had become more independant and I learnt I must follow my dreams, no matter how stupid they may sound like or how impossible they may look like, if I don't try, how am I going to know?
I learnt to not be happy with what I have and to be ambitious in a good way though, they horizon is big and somewhere there there are things waiting for me.
I learnt not to be greedy and materialist, without realizing I was becoming that type of person, who was concerned on how I looked in a shallow way, I wanted to get approval in a superficial way, I was concerned how others eyes were perceiving me, I was frustrated how I looked and concerned how I did not look, but I realize that does not matter. I look in a way that others may not and I must take care of it not bash it... if someone before bashed me for how I am, I shouldn't let it affect me, everyone is different and unique. It is funny because I said these words to many people, however I never applied them at me, I guess now it is time.

Appearance does not matter, of course it is the first impression, but I have to learn to show outside who I am truly inside, because what it is inside it is what it counts, the outside it is just a shell, it will decay, but your heart, that will always be there it will never die.
I learnt to value my family and learnt that the only person who is keeping me inside in a cage is myself. I felt trapped but I blamed everyone, my family, my work, all external circunstances were gulty and I just a victim... however the only one who was responsible of my own impresonment was myself, it was me who kept inside the cage, the key within me but blinded to that fact and blinded looking outside.

Only I can liberate myself from my own cage.
I got myself into troubles that now I am slowing solving, just because of greediness and try to look like someone I am not. I lost myself however now I am finding myself, my creativity is coming back and I am finding again my true essence. That person was not me, however I wanted to protray that, I met people who were to see who I was for real, they did not care about my shell they choose to share with me, because I was able to show at moments what myself was for real. The fake me just met shallow people and did not create any friendship, the real me created wonderful memories, laughed, cry, loved and got frustrated. The realm me learnt many things and leanrt the the fake me will not take me anywhere.

I learnt to value what is important, what really makes you rich in life. I learnt to value my family, to be thankful to them, to be thankful to everyday, that even when people go from your life, those memories will always be with you, so they are always with you.

Death knocked at my door and took away beloved people. It helped to see that we should never take anything, specially anyone! for granted, we never know when they may not be anymore. However I did leanrt that if they go, a part of them is alive inside of me, in my heart, in my memories I can be with those who are gone.

I got depressed because things didn't work they way I wanted, I blamed everything outside of me, and I hated myself, I did despised myseld. I harmed myself, I couldn't take it any longer and I hated myself even more, I was afraid of the changes I was doing, myself was growing up and I got scared, life became brighter and I was used to my darkness...I realised changes are good, you can't be the same always, if not you don't grow and as life passes by we must grow, we just have to learn to grow up with out forgetting what is essential...growing up it is a hard and challenging process but it is inevitable and we just have to learn to take the challenge, it is ok to be afraid but we have to be brave and look up, look at the sky, dream, believe and not to loose our trueselves to the material or shallow aspect of the reality of people, just be loyal to yourself.After all the only person who can trap yourself is yourself and the only one that can give you freedom is yourself, noone else.

So these are my words for the ending year, than you to everyone who were part of this year, I am grateful and happy. And I am anticipating the new upcoming year, soon I will write my aspirations and what I want to accomplish the new year :) Now I am just happy with 2015 ~

The Grail BJD

So one thing that I have recently discovered is the term "BJD Grail"... that mean the doll that you wish the most, the most important one for you... Yesterday I was thinking in that,and realised I didn't have one and that I already have the doll that I love the most and I am crazy for him.

It was last year that I got into the hobby of the BJD and to be honest I had no idea, the only thing I knew is that I loved them and I wanted one and more... I had the money and started looking for a doll that captured me and I found him. < Soom - Gluino> however he was sold out and I did not want any other doll that wasn't him.

The moment I saw him, I thought he was the perfect Lestat and wanted him so badly. At that time because I did not do any research, I had no idea about Recast dolls... However I wanted him so badly that I started to look for him everywhere on internet and found out about Aliexpress. And I did find him, still by that time I did not even think he was not the real doll and so I ordered him and decided to get another doll that found pretty.

By the time he arrived home, I freaked out because he was in a bag and not in a box... the other doll I bought arrived earlier and she arrived in a box, however he was disarmed in pieces full of bubble rap and in a bag. I was so scared if he was broken...however luckily enough he was safe... the challenge was to articulate him properly, so I started to look on youtube how to do it and with my mother's help and after several tried, we manage to articulate him. In that moment the thought that he was not and original came to my mind...however I did not care as he was beautiful. A bit different from the original photos but gorgeous anyways.


Then I realised he is my grail doll. However one thing that changed is that he is not a Lestat but more like a Louis...anyways he has my heart... and well that is why I named him Louis...now I am trying to find a Lestat...XD
But yeah...then I noticed there are many dolls I like however not one that I go crazy for...However I did find now a BJD pet that I am delirious for, a Dachshund BJD





The reason why is because in the family we had always had Dachshund as dogs, so they are like the dogs of the family. Right now we don't have one because we are not allowed pets in the house, but anyways anything that is related to this breed of dogs is like a grail not only for me but for my family too, so I know my mother will go crazy and she fully supports my liking on these dolls.



And it comes in 2 colours and I want both!! They are a bit dare, however they worth it! so I am starting to save up money  from now! because I have found now my Grail Dolls ~ <3

So that is it for today, I don't know when I will write again but I really want to write at least one a week, I should put more effort in my blog. Also please comment me if there is anything you want me to write about.

Stay Tuned ~

Korean Cruelty Free Fundation

So here I am again. As always I delay in every post.
So today I will write about my cruelty free foundation, as the tittle says.

So make up it is a very important factor in a girl's daily life, choosing the right outfit of the day is important, however is not as important as your make up. We like that our foundation cover wells any imperfection of the skin, however we aim for a natural look and a make up that doesn't not hurt our skin.
We all have different types of skin color and skin type, so finding the right foundation is not easy.
In my case I am pale ( i don't even blush) so I like make up that gives me a bit of a natural color, because if not, everyone asks me if I am sick and becomes quite annoying,So finding the right foundation hasn't been easy for, as most of them are quite dark for me and looks fake, then is too clear and looks fake and then the other things is that the foundation is too heavy and does not look natural.


Then my salvation was finding out about Korean foundation, which finally did match what I was wanting.
Then I got familiar with the famous words BB cream and CC cream. Because by that time western make up did not incorporate those in their brands. Korean make up had many brands and many types of BB creams and CC creams, so was easy to just try all. The colors though do not vary really, however for me is fine as I am pale. So finally my problem was solved.

However then I decided to go cruelty free and then once more I started to have problems. As clearly most of the Korean brands are not cruelty free. So I went for the closest choices I had handy. I tried Lush and The Body Shop... however even though they are good, was very expensive and did not have the result that I was used to.
I wanted to try very badly Dr. Hauschka however the brand it is so expensive that I cannot even dream about it.
So I kept doing research on Korean and brands that could be cruelty free and indeed found it.

Dr. Jart has a bug variety of skin products, not much make up though. However it has foundation and the rest is just skin care products.
The foundations are quite heavy in some how, which means you have to use a bit of what you regular use and actually it covers way much more than the usual foundation, which makes me save more money because the same tube last me more than usual. They also have an powder option which is great, because it covers and looks very natural, however you have to retouch it time to time but it is great!
Now talking about price it is a bit more expensive that your regular Korean brands but not so expensive as other brands so it is a right in between. I haven't tried yet skin care products yet, as I go for body shop for those and I make my own scrub for the skin.
However foundation wise this brand is brilliant! And for me who was already used to the efficiency of Korean brands is good to continue it being cruelty free.

I did discover other cruelty free brands that are Korean, however I haven't found them available online for outside sale other than Korea and not much information about what kind of products they offer. So that is why I am just mentioning Dr. Jart and for me this has been the greatest solution, my skin look white normal not so pale, skin imperfections are covered without looking fake and it goes well with my skin, it makes me feel good and that is the important thing. So if you are wanting to try Korean cruelty free foundation I recommend you Dr. Jart.

Stay Tuned ~